Help! I Hate How I Look in Pictures! [Podcast Transcript]

Title: Help! I Hate How I Look in Pictures

Podcast Date: May 19, 2023

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Description

I've had many women reach out to me over the years with this sentiment, "Help! I hate pictures of myself!" Today's episode of the podcast is dedicated to you. Let's talk through why we hate to see ourselves in pictures, what's really going on in our heads, and what's really going on in our lives when we get our pictures taken.

Today, we talk through why pictures of ourselves can be so triggering, how BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) is stirred by photographs, and what we can do if we are afraid of getting our picture taken because we know we'll hate it. Heather shares from her own experience of struggling with how she looks in pictures and what she's learned about making peace with photos of ourselves.

Today's show also talks about what to do with vacation photos. If you don't like how you look in pictures, how to navigate getting your photo taken without letting it ruin your summer vacation!

There are lots of great tips in today's episode for everyone who struggles with body image issues and seeing themselves in pictures and longs for freedom!

Outline

00:00 Introduction: Fear Around Picture-Taking

03:48 Self-Image Disconnect and Body Transformations

08:36 Seeing Ourselves Accurately

11:10 Body Dysmorphic Disorder

15:37  Lighting and Angles Matter 

19:55 Practical Strategies for Dealing with Pictures 

26:28 Your Heavenly Father Delights in You 

Introduction: Fear Around Picture-Taking

[00:00:42]:

Hey, friend. Heather Creekmore here. Glad you're listening to the Compared to Who podcast today because today we're going to a hot topic. And I've actually talked about it on the show before, but I felt like I needed to revisit it because it is a big one for most of us who struggle with pictures or “how to be okay with how you look in pictures” could be another way I coulda titled this. But today, we're gonna talk about why we don't see ourselves accurately in photos. But it feels so accurate, doesn't it? And we're also gonna talk about what to do. Maybe you're going on vacation.

[00:01:29]:

You're going somewhere this summer. Maybe summer is a big time for photos for you and your family. Maybe you do a family reunion or something like that. And maybe there's even fear and dread around “I'm gonna have to get my picture taken. What am I gonna do?” Maybe you are watching your food intake or exercising obsessively right now because of those pictures coming up. Maybe it's your wedding photos. Been there, done that! 

Today, we're gonna talk about how to deal with what we look like in pictures no matter what that is and how not to obsess over it. That's where we're going.

[00:02:02]:

I'm glad you're here. Hey. If this show touches you, would you leave a review? Your 5 star reviews are just such a blessing to me, but more so, a 5 star review helps other women find this show. Now on Apple, you have the choice. You can leave a 5 star review and just be done, or you can leave a 5 star review and then you can go to the “write a review” little, like, text right there, and you can just write a couple words about what the show has meant to you. And that helps other women find the show. I'd be so blessed if you consider doing that. Okay.

[00:02:34]:

Well, let's get right to it. Good stuff today. I'm glad you're here. Let's go. Welcome to Compare To Who, the podcast to help you make peace with your body so you can savor God's rest and feel his love. If you're tired of fighting body image the world's way, Compare To You is the show for you. You've likely heard lots of talk about loving your body, but my goal is different. Striving to fall in love with stretch marks and cellulite is a little silly to me.

[00:03:03]:

Instead, I want to encourage you and remind you with the truth of scripture that you are seen, you are known, and you are loved no matter what your size or shape. Here, the pressure is off. If you're looking for real talk, biblical encouragement, and regular reminders that God loves you and you're not alone, you've come to the right place. I hope you enjoy today's show, and, hey, tell a friend about it. 

So today, we're talking about what to do if you don't like how you look in pictures. Now culture tells us what to do. They say change how you look, and then you'll like how you look in pictures. Right? It's that simple.

Self-Image Disconnect and Body Transformations

[00:03:48]:

In fact, plastic surgeries so you could get a better selfie, that was, like, a really big trend for a long time. I mean, that is certainly the message of the world. Change how you look, and then you'll always like how you look in pictures. But I can tell you from experience, my friend, I've worked with lots and lots of women who have experienced body transformations, maybe even got the surgery. They lost the weight. They did the thing that they thought would fix their body so they would like the way it looked in pictures. And we're still talking, and they're saying, I don't like the way I look in pictures. I don't know what to do.

[00:04:24]:

I fixed my body, and it didn't fix it. It didn't fix the problem. And it's, well, we've talked about many episodes of this show. Right? How fixing our outsides doesn't actually fix our body image issues. But the same applies to your photo. Now I know when you see that picture you hate, I've been there, friend. I was there this week and I'll share that in just a second. When you see that picture you hate, your first thought is, I would like this picture more if I just lost X number of pounds or if I just did this exercise or if I had this surgery, whatever your deal is.

[00:04:56]:

That's what you think. But friend, it's just not true. Let me tell you from experience. Okay. So like I said, this week, my daughter was inducted into the National Honor Society, and we went. And my husband was, like, let's get a picture with her. And I was, like, sure. And he asked her coach, her tennis coach to take the picture.

[00:05:22]:

Okay? And her tennis coach takes the camera. He's a super great guy. And just gets, like, I don't know, 18 inches from us. And he's holding it, like, I would say about my chin level. And I am thinking to myself, there is absolutely no way I'm going to like a picture of me that is taken from that angle that close. And so as he like, he takes the picture, my husband's, like, you know, well, you know, like, let her check it. I, like, look at it. I'm like, oh, boy.

[00:05:53]:

That's awful. And so then we're kinda joking. There was someone else there that was like, oh, you shouldn't ask him to take pictures. He has boys. He doesn't understand, like, that you have to take 27 of them at the same time and da da da. So we're kind of joking around this. But he takes the camera again. He's like, oh, I'll take another one.

[00:06:08]:

I was like, hey. This time, can you just, like, raise the camera a little higher? Kinda angle down, like, maybe step a foot back. And I'm, like, directing him with all these things to do because I know that there are certain angles and distances that will make for a better picture. But still, these pictures oh, y'all. I was like, oh, cringe. Ouch. My heart hurts. I don't like this picture of me.

[00:06:36]:

And what I'm really wrestling is I'm wrestling this disconnect between the image of myself that I want others to see and believe and what I actually look like. Like, there's a dissonance there between those two things. And as I was kinda working through this, praying through this, like, talking to myself through this, because, really, that's what we gotta do y'all. Like, you're not gonna be cured and just, like, oh, I never worry again. Oh, I always like pictures of myself. No. No. No.

[00:07:08]:

This is just about knowing how to talk to yourself, having the resources and the tools to tell yourself the truth. And the truth is not, “hey if you would just lose this weight, you would like yourself in pictures more”. And for me, what God showed me this week was like, I was looking at our wedding photo, and I remember when we got our wedding pictures back I remember thinking, oh, my arms look big. And that was my same complaint about this picture that was taken of me the other day. I was like, oh, my arms look big. I need to lose weight.

[00:07:43]:

I need to do something to change the way my arms look. But I felt that way even when my arms were much smaller. In fact, around our wedding, I was doing crazy amounts of exercise. I was teaching, like, sometimes 2 kickboxing classes a day. Okay? I was exercising all the time. My arms were in the best shape they have ever been in, will ever be in. Right? They were more defined than they will ever be. I was smaller than I will ever be again, snd I still didn't like the way I looked in that picture.

[00:08:15]:

And so the reality check for me was oh, Heather. Wait. You didn't like the way you looked then. You don't like the way you look now. It's not really about the way you look. Right? Now my brain fools me. Right? I tell myself, oh, if I could just go back, if I look like that now, I would appreciate it. Oh, I would certainly be like, oh, yes.

Seeing Ourselves Accurately

[00:08:36]:

Now I appreciate how good I look. But that is just not true. The problem isn't the picture. The problem is me. And, actually, I was meeting with someone recently, someone much older and wiser than myself talking about some of these issues. And he just made a really valuable assessment that I wanted to share with you. I was like, this is so good. I've gotta tell.

[00:08:59]:

Gotta tell my friends listening to the show. And he said, we can't see ourselves accurately because we can only see ourselves through our own eyes. Our own vision is skewed. I think about the Bible verses, like, now we see, like, dimly, but then we'll see face to face. Right? Like like, it's the same for our identity. It's the same for our image. We do not see ourselves accurately. I think I said on the show before, like, we lie to ourselves.

[00:09:34]:

But we cannot see ourselves accurately. Only God can see us accurately. What he sees is the truth. So how do we have his eyes to see ourselves accurately? That's super hard. And he talked about how, really, the closest thing we have to kind of having a reflection of ourselves that is somewhat accurate to God's reflection, to God's vision of us, is when we see delight in other people's faces. When someone looks at us and they light up, they look happy to see us. Right? That is what God's expression is when he sees us, and that is a kind of reflection of how we should see ourselves, but we can't see ourselves. So I don't know about you, but I don't light up when I look at myself in the mirror.

[00:10:34]:

Like, “oh, hey! There you are!” Like, no. That is not what I do. But the problem becomes, like, what if no one lights up when they see you? Like, what if you don't genuinely feel like you have anyone that delights in seeing you? Like, I get that. And so there's no one around you kind of reflecting, like, how God would reflect your image. And that makes pictures so much harder because we look at that as an accurate reflection of our image, and it is not an accurate reflection of our image. 

Body Dysmorphic Disorder

[00:11:10]:

And so, friends, we've talked about this on the show before. Right? But part of our problem with seeing ourselves in pictures is, to some degree or another, whether it's clinical or not, some degree of body dysmorphic disorder, thinking we look different than we actually do. And this applies to women of all sizes and shapes. Right? Women, who maybe are struggling with an eating disorder like anorexia often see themselves as larger than they are. I think sometimes my struggle is I think I envision myself as smaller than I actually am now, and so the picture is actually kinda startling. Like, oh, woah. Like, who is that older woman who is not the size that she used to be? Right? And that's kind of a jarring thing every time I see a picture of myself. Like, oh, what? Oh, what's that? Who's that? Right? And I know some of you can relate to that.

[00:12:03]:

That's why I'm sharing it. But body dysmorphic disorder is kind of what I was saying before. It is your brain playing tricks on you. You are not seeing yourself accurately. And, likewise, from a spiritual perspective, you are not seeing yourself the way God sees you. Right? In fact, often when we look at pictures, we're objectifying ourselves. Right? We're just seeing our bodies. We're forgetting about, like, the good time we were having or the people we were with or, like, the genuine, maybe, happiness or joy we felt when we were doing the thing where we took the picture.

[00:12:42]:

Right? Like, I know I've been like, out to lunch with friends, and I'm having such a great time. Like, “oh, this is so fun. I love being with you all. Oh, it's so great that we get to talk and hang out”. And then someone's like, “let's take a picture”. And we take a picture. And I look at the picture, and I'm like, I am not having fun anymore. I can't believe that's how I look.

[00:13:00]:

I can't believe I chose to wear this thing. Why did someone let me out of the house wearing this thing? This is not a thing I should be wearing again. I need to burn this outfit as soon as I get home. How do I look like this? And I forget the reality that I was loved and accepted and enjoying time with these people. And guess what? They knew what I looked like the whole time. They saw me wearing that outfit the whole time. They were not judging and criticizing me and or deciding to stay away from me because of what I looked like. Like, they were making none of those assessments, those negative assessments that I was making of myself.

[00:13:39]:

And so it's kinda silly if you stop and think about it, that I would see a picture of me and that would spoil my time. That all of a sudden, I would feel like I'm not good enough to be with you all, or I need to go home and change and look better before we do this again. Because that's just internal. That's just coming from me. That's not coming from them, which kinda makes me ask the question, like, who do we think we're fooling? Right? Like, it's kinda such a funny dissonance that I'm so bothered by my picture. I'm so bothered by what I see that I look like in pictures. And it's like, wait, other people see me this way all the time, 24/7. Like, I only see me when I look in a mirror or look in, you know, reflecting glass or something.

[00:14:27]:

Other people are looking at me a lot more than I'm looking at me, and this is what they see. Who am I fooling? Why am I so distraught when I see what they see? Now, okay. Let's be real. Right? Pictures only capture, like, one millisecond of time, And our bodies are changing all the time. Right? Like, you take a picture of me in the morning, it's gonna look different than a picture of me the same day afternoon. My body fluctuates. I've got puffiness in my face from thyroid stuff, and that can change during the day. It certainly changes during the month.

[00:15:06]:

Like, there's one week in the month where I just have no hope of getting a picture of anything other than a puffy face. But our bodies are always changing. And so, yeah, it's true. There may be pictures of you that “look better” depending on what day of the month it is or what time of day it is. But other people see you in those hard times too. Other people see you with a puffy face and they probably don't even notice. Right? They see those worst moments, quote unquote worst. Right? Because they're not, it's just normal.

Lighting and Angles Matter!

[00:15:37]:

It's natural. It's not really bad. And they accept and love you anyway. The other thing that's just a super stark reality is that lighting matters. So my daughter went to prom a couple weeks ago, and I started to take pictures of her at one spot in our backyard. And then I realized the lighting wasn't great, and so I made her move to another spot in the backyard. And then right before she left, she changed shoes. And I was like, well, let me grab another picture of you because you wore Converse.

[00:16:01]:

And I was like, let me grab a picture of you in these ridiculous Converse sneakers with your gorgeous dress. But I am learning to let go in that area and just okay. You be you. That's expressing you. That's fun. So I wanted to take some more pictures of her out front. And what I noticed was, like, there was 1 like, 3 different lighting, 3 different, like, locations. But she looked fantastic in the one location with the one lighting.

[00:16:26]:

And then the other locations with the different lighting, they were not as good at pictures. Like, they changed her skin tone. They changed like, pretty much everything about her appearance was changed by the lighting. Friend, like, it's a little silly to obsess over a bad picture if it's bad lighting. Right? Like, recognize that when we see a picture and obsess over how bad it is, in our heads, we are comparing it to great pictures of other people where the lighting has been carefully calculated and manipulated or at least thought about. Right? And that candid shot that someone grabbed your phone to take of you at Disney World where the sun might be coming at you from the left or right or wherever, and you don't look so good, lighting has something to do with that. That is not how you look all the time. It's just how you look at that specific second in time in that lighting.

[00:17:22]:

And the other thing we all know is angles matter. Right? You know, like, when our sweet coach took that picture of me straight on chin level, I was like, there's no way this is gonna be good. Right? You always want someone to angle down if you're a woman. Right? But it's just the way I look from that angle. And truth is, I mean, except for, like, children who are short, really short people, like, under 4 foot high. Like, no one else is seeing me from that angle ever. Right? It's just the the camera got in that weird spot and it's seeing me from that way. Funny thing, I was doing some photos for the website a year or so ago, ago, and I had my daughter.

[00:18:05]:

She loves photography, and so she was helping me out taking some pictures. And we took some pictures of me, like, leaning against our back fence, and I put one of my feet up against the back fence. And the strangest thing, like, from the angle she was taking the picture, it looked like I only had half a leg on one side. Right? That's what it looked like. That was totally the angle. You couldn't tell that I had my foot up. It just looked like I had half a leg, which kinda gives a completely different dimension to body image struggles. Right? I mean, my friends who have struggled through amputation, you understand what I mean, but, like, that's not the specialty here on the show.

[00:18:39]:

We're talking about all kinds of body image issues. And I was like, oh, this is just a stark reality that ankles matter so much. They can tell a completely different story than what is true just because of a weird angle. And so, generally, like, I just want you to know, a good photographer is going to take better pictures than anyone you hand your iPhone to this summer. Okay? And that is not about you. That is not about your body. That is not a failure on your part to not get your body right before you got your picture taken. That is just a reality.

[00:19:15]:

Okay? Now okay. You might have a great photographer, great lighting, great angles, and still not like the way you look in a picture, and that's a different thing too. Right? We're still working through all these issues. But I just want you to go into summer remembering that it's okay. It's okay if you have a picture of you that you don't love because it's not how you look all the time. It might not even be how you look most of the time, unless, like I said, children are looking up at you, seeing you from that angle. And guess what? They're probably not rejecting you. They probably love you anyway, even though they only see the bottom of your chins.

Practical Strategies for Dealing with Pictures

[00:19:55]:

So here are some things to do. Just I wanna get really practical here. You're probably getting ready to take some pictures this summer of some sort, maybe vacation photos or, you know, I don't know. Maybe you did graduation photos or end of school photos. Like, you're probably getting ready to take some pictures, so here are some strategies to consider. First thing, don't dwell on the picture. Okay? Here's what I want you to do. I want you to look at that picture just quickly.

[00:20:18]:

Like, make sure your bra straps aren't hanging out or, like, something's weird, not in your teeth or your eyes aren't closed, like, that kind of thing. You can look at all that stuff, but do not dwell on the picture. This is how you looked at one second in time. Now okay. If you're like, oh, I had my neck weird. Like, I do weird things with my neck and my body if I have to pose with other people. I don't know. I just get all contorted, and it looks really odd.

[00:20:42]:

Like, my head is disconnected from my body sometimes. So if you see that, okay, take another picture. That's totally fine. But you don't need to take a 100 because chances are, if you didn't like numbers 1 through 30, you're probably not gonna like numbers 31 through 99. K? Just try to get one where you're comfortable with your body's position, your eyes are open, comfortable with your smile. And don't worry about it beyond that. Because remember, when other people see these pictures, they are not looking for you in them. They are not looking to analyze you.

[00:21:16]:

They're not looking, “I wonder how you look in this. Oh. Oh, she looked like that!” They're not doing that. They're looking for themselves. They're like, oh, am I in that picture? Oh, I look good in that picture. Oh, I don't look well, actually, they're not, they're not saying that because everyone has a struggle. They're just like, oh, I don't like how I look in that picture. So don't worry so much about how you look because anyone else in the picture with you is worried about how they look.

[00:21:37]:

They're not looking at how you look. And beyond that, no one else is dwelling on how this picture looks. Like, you are the only person walking away from seeing this picture that is gonna think about it for another minute or longer hours afterwards. Anyone else seeing this picture is not going to think about how you looked in this picture afterwards. They just will not. So release yourself from the responsibility of obsessing over it. And then also remember that even if you don't like this picture of you today, you might like it someday. So don't delete it or if you take a 100, like, you know, delete only 87 of them.

[00:22:16]:

You might want it someday. And if you delete them all, you're not gonna have it. I look back at pictures of myself that I hated in my twenties and my thirties. And I'm like, why did I hate these pictures? These were great pictures. And I have to believe the same will hold true when I'm in my sixties and seventies. I'll look back on these pictures from this time in my life and be like, oh, yeah. That was midlife. Oh, that's what I look like in midlife.

[00:22:41]:

I'm glad I have some pictures of that. And I probably didn't look as bad as I thought I did at the time. And, “boy, didn't I look young then?”, is what I'll be saying. Right? When I'm in my sixties and seventies, I'll be looking back like, oh, I look so young. Whereas now, I'm looking at the picture like, oh, who is this old person? It's all a matter of our skewed perspective. So don't delete all the photos, then you'll miss out years from now. Save them. Again, this is a capture view at one second in time on one day.

[00:23:10]:

This is not what you look like all of the time. Okay. Now if you're going on vacation, here's what I recommend. I recommend getting off social media while you're on vacation because looking at other people's pictures while you're on vacation is really gonna mess with your head, especially if you struggle with body image issues, which is probably why you're listening to the show. But you will not enjoy your time on vacation more because you have posted a picture and other people have liked it. Trust me. It doesn't actually do anything to improve the quality of your vacation. But if you're trying to share a picture or if you wanna take a picture just so you can show everyone how your time was on vacation, right, just do not get so caught up in liking the picture or trying to get the perfect picture.

[00:23:55]:

Like, all of that obsession is just really gonna spoil your mind and your time. It's going to take your heart to a place that is going to zap your enjoyment away. And similarly, let me kind of turn the tables on this. Right? Let's say you did take a picture and you actually feel like it's a really great picture, and so you're excited to share it, like, oh, I kinda look good. Like, can't wait to put this online because I kinda look good in this one. Like, wow, praise God! There must have been the right lighting, the right time of day. All the things work together.

[00:24:27]:

I like this picture. Can I ask you a question? What's your heart motivation for wanting to get that picture on social media? Is it for the glory of God or for the glory of you? And our scripture tells us, Colossians 10:31, do all things for the glory of God. What are you looking for when you share it? What do you need those likes for? Approval of man? Like, is that gonna help you enjoy your time more if other people approve of you? Like, take the pressure off. Right? I don't know. I highly recommend to my clients that they stay off social media when they're on vacation and that they try not to post anything while they're on vacation. Because you can get so caught up in looking for likes and who saw this and who knows I'm here and who liked it and who, you know, and you miss out on being in the moment while you're there. Being with your family, being with friends, being with people you love is so much more important than posting a vacation picture. And finally, I wanna talk about family photos.

[00:25:26]:

Okay? Because some of you have been struggling with the way you look in pictures for so long that you haven't done any family photos. You're like, I'll take pictures of the kids, but I'm not gonna be in them. Right. Let me encourage you. Those kids are gonna keep growing. They're gonna keep changing. Oh, they change so fast. Oh my goodness.

[00:25:42]:

It just keeps going so fast. Don't miss out. Don't miss out on the opportunity to be in the picture. Don't not schedule a family photo session because you don't like how you look now and you're waiting because maybe when you lose the weight, then you'll be able to schedule it. Because friend, your body may change. It may not. But like I said before, even if it changes, you may still not like the way you look in the family photo. So why skip the family photo if you're not gonna like it either way? Just take the picture.

[00:26:12]:

Take it for the sake of your kids, your husband, the other people in your family who see you like this all the time. They are not surprised by what you look like in the picture. They're not like, oh, wow. I never saw that mom look like that. Yikes. Oh, I don't know. No. They see you all the time.

Your Heavenly Father Delights in You

[00:26:28]:

You're not fooling anyone, except maybe yourself. So just take the picture, schedule that photo session. You can do it. Okay, friend. I hope this has been encouraging to you. I know this is a big topic, and it's rough. Right? It's a little, “oooooh, but pictures, but I don't, but, but…” Friend, God is bigger. Right? And he approves of you.

[00:26:54]:

He delights in you. He sees that picture of you, and He says, “oh, there's my daughter. Oh, I love her so much. Oh, I love that she was having fun. I love that she's with people she loves. Like, I love the woman in that picture. I love her so much. I see her. I know her. I'm proud of her. Look at my girl.” You know, just like some of you that are moms. Like, you had a new baby. You can't wait to share all those pictures. Look at my baby. Look at my baby.

[00:27:24]:

Look at my baby. That's what God thinks about you! Right? He's not waiting for you to lose weight. He's not waiting for you to change the way you look, so he can say, I love you. I'm proud of you. He loves you, and he's proud of you right now today. Can you believe it? Will you believe it? Friend, I hope this has encouraged you. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living.

[00:27:48]:

Yeah. And, hey, leave a review for the show if it's such too. That would help me out a lot. And I want you to know that compared to who is part of the Life Audio family of podcasts, there's so much great content over there. Go to life audio dot com and check it all out. Bye bye.