Body Image, Sex, and Your Marriage: Answering Your Toughest Questions [Podcast Transcript]

Title: Body Image, Sex, and Your Marriage: Answering Your Toughest Questions

Podcast Date: February 6, 2025

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Description

Does your body image affect your marriage and relationships? Yes. A lot. Today, Heather revisits an interview with Dr. Juli Slattery--clinical psychologist, author, podcast host, and all-around expert on this topic. Heather explores the most common questions on the topic and gives you Dr. Slattery's brilliant, rooted-in-Bible truth answers. 

If you've ever wondered:

• How do I compete with all these beautiful women around me and keep my husband?
• What do I do if he doesn't initiate sex?
• Wouldn't our sex lives be better if I just got some surgical improvements?
• What do I do if my husband doesn't appreciate my body, or worse, says negative things about it?

This episode is for you.

Transcript

Disclaimer: This transcript is AI-generated and has not been edited for accuracy or clarity.

[00:00:02]:

Hey. Hey, friend. It's Heather Creekmore here. I'm glad you're listening to the Compare To podcast this month. We're talking about marriage and relationships and how they connect. Well, really, how your body image issues connect. Maybe a better word is play out in those scenarios.

[00:00:24]:

Because if you haven't noticed already, there are probably aspects to your body image and comparison issues that are affecting your relationships, that are affecting your marriage. And so what I was gonna do today is I was gonna go through, like, all of these top questions that I have. But then I realized, I sat down with an expert a few years ago, doctor Julie Slattery. She's a clinical psychologist. She's an author of, like, more than 12 books. She's a speaker. And she is the president and cofounder of an organization called Authentic Intimacy. She's got a a great podcast called Java with Julie, which I was blessed to be on several years ago.

[00:01:01]:

But she's a true expert. And when I sat down with her a few years ago, I asked her all of the questions that, like, I would wanna ask her today for you to hear those same answers, that same feedback. So what I've done is I've taken that episode from a few years ago, and I've consolidated it down to where you can just get the meat, get the answers that you want to some of these burning questions that you keep emailing me with and putting on Facebook and Instagram, and I love that. Please keep doing that. But it's the kind of the same question in, you know, different flavors every single time. And doctor Slattery just did a really great job of answering them. So I wanna honor her answers and honor your questions with

[00:01:46]:

the show today. But before we

[00:01:47]:

get into it, if you're brand new to the show, welcome. There's so much good stuff here. Probably so much that you can't read through it all. So go to start here on my website, improvebodyimage.com, and you'll find exactly what you need to get started on your own body image freedom journey. Let me tell you. Changing the way you see and feel about your body can change everything in your life. You just gotta take that first step. Maybe your first step is joining us on the forty day journey.

[00:02:14]:

We use my forty day body image workbook, and we talk through it together on Zoom for six weeks. Next one starts March 17. You can sign up at improvebodyimage.com. It is cheap for six weeks of coaching. So go sign up, and I hope we can see you there. Let's get to today's show. Welcome to Compare To Him, the podcast to help you make peace with your body so you can savor God's rest and feel his love. If you're tired of fighting body image the world's way, Compare To Who is the show for you.

[00:02:45]:

You've likely heard lots of talk about loving your body, but my goal is different. Striving to fall in love with stretch marks and cellulite is a little silly to me. Instead, I want to encourage you and remind you with the truth of scripture that you are seen, you are known, and you are loved no matter what your size or shape. Here, the pressure is off. If you're looking for real talk, biblical encouragement, and regular reminders that God loves you and you're not alone, you've come to the right place. I hope you enjoy today's show, and, hey, tell a friend about it. So one of the most common questions I get from you is, essentially, for lack of a better way to phrase it, how do I compete? Years ago, I got a question from a woman talking about, like, this woman who had moved in across the street from them who was just so much prettier she felt and fitter and all the things. And she wanted to know how she could possibly keep her husband's attention when this, you know, supermodel esque woman moved across the street from them.

[00:03:50]:

I get similar questions kinda like, you know, how do I compete when his ex girlfriend was prettier than me or his ex wife was thinner than I am? And so I feel like this is a burning topic in a lot of your minds. Like, how do I compete? How do I make sure that I look better slash am better than these other options that he maybe knows of or sees so that I can keep him, so that I can keep his attention, so that I can feel assured that he loves me most. It's very messy, really, what we want out of this. But that's the question I asked doctor Slattery, and I think you're gonna really appreciate our answer. Here it is. So the the listener today that that's been in that competition Mhmm.

[00:04:42]:

She's been trying to win. She's been doing all the things. She's been trying to lose the weight. She's spending the time at the gym. She's, you know, getting the parts fixed or getting the hair right or or whatever her hang up may be. Can can you encourage her today?

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:04:58]:

Yeah. I I think first of all, I would say, okay. Let's play that game. You win, then what? Right. So you lose the pounds. You become beautiful. Then what?

[00:05:15]:

Still don't feel like he loves me anymore.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:05:17]:

Right. Right. Or it's an elusive race. It's like, now I've gotta worry about the wrinkles.

[00:05:24]:

Right.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:05:24]:

You know, you're just gonna add on to it. Now I've gotta worry about my wardrobe. Is it up to date? On and on it goes. Yeah. This is not a game you can win. It's not designed to win. It's designed to keep you chasing something that's elusive. And it's really designed to get us to, even from a spiritual level, to invest our energy and our time in things that don't matter.

[00:05:48]:

Amen.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:05:48]:

So the greatest tragedy is when you think about how much of my adult life have I wasted because I was chasing this elusive whatever of being beautiful, of being fit, of being attractive. Not that we don't care about our appearance. That's a different thing. But when it's driven by this fear of I'm not good enough, then it's it's a waste. And you made this comment of if she couldn't keep her husband, then do any of us have a chance? Mhmm. And right there is is flawed thinking. It's not your job to keep your husband.

[00:06:27]:

Mhmm.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:06:28]:

It's not your job to keep your husband faithful.

[00:06:31]:

Mhmm.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:06:32]:

And that's where I think, a lot of Christian women have bought this lie that it's my job to keep him off pornography. It's my job to keep him enticed enough with me Mhmm. That he's not going to have an affair. And now you do have you do have a part to play in your marriage and then stewarding your marriage well, but that's a separate issue from his choices to look at pornography or to cheat on you or to leave the marriage. And it wasn't Elizabeth Hurley's job, and it's not your job. It's your job to be a faithful wife. And I think that that is a really important distinction that a lot of women need to hear because they're still walking around with that sense of fear and that burden.

[00:07:20]:

Absolutely.

[00:07:22]:

So the next question doctor Slattery tackled for me was another common one I get. Like, I know, Heather. This is the way these notes read. These emails read. I know, Heather, if I just go get implants. I know it's gonna make our sex life better because he's told me it's gonna make our sex life better. And you just don't understand how small I am. I get that one a lot.

[00:07:45]:

You just don't understand how much better I'll feel in my body if I go get the sonobella, like, liposuction. If I do this, if I do this, then our sex life's gonna be better because I'm gonna feel hotter, and I'm gonna just be able to go into it more confident, all the things. I have read your messages, my friends, and I hear your heart. Your heart is to have a better sex life. Your heart is to have greater intimacy with your husband. But doctor Slattery, oh, she nails it here, hits it out of the park in answering the question, like, why is it not as simple as going and getting a surgery? Here it is. Doctor Slattery.

[00:08:24]:

I know. If I just go get this surgery, my sex life will be so much better. How

[00:08:33]:

do you answer that one?

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:08:35]:

Yeah. Well, first of all, there's no proof of that. Mhmm. And you have to go back to, again, another lie we believe. What makes a great sex life? Mhmm. Not beautiful, perfect bodies. Right. And the only evidence we need for that is just look at Hollywood, look at pop culture, where they have all the plastic surgery they want or need.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:08:57]:

They have beautiful bodies to start with. They have the money to get hotel rooms that cost thousands of dollars a night and just live in this utopia of perfection, and they can't stay together for more than a few months. Right. And so where did we get this idea that the way we physically look is what translates into great sex? It's just not true. Like, the research actually shows that the things that contribute to a great sex life are things like faithfulness, long term relationship, commitment, communication that have nothing to do with your body. And so we're neglecting the things that could create, intimacy and a great sex life by chasing these elusive things that actually there's no proof they do anything to help. Actually, in some ways, they contribute to this consumer mentality of, I have to be attractive enough for my husband to still love me. It feeds that lie instead of solving a problem.

[00:10:01]:

We'll be right back with more great answers to your questions after this quick break. So we talked about the woman who just feels like her body's not good enough. What about the woman who's heard it from her husband where he's saying, I need you to change this so I can be attracted to you. Yeah. How how do we minister to her?

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:10:25]:

Yeah. And in this situation, I would say we need to not just minister to her, but we need to minister to her husband. So I've spent, like, the past decade of my life teaching almost exclusively on sexuality, And I've learned a lot along the way. And one of the things that I've realized is that most couples, including Christian couples, have the wrong way of thinking about sex. And we think about sex, again, from that consumer mentality. And we've just kind of Christianized the culture's view that, okay, I wanna have great sex, so therefore, I need to get married. I need to find somebody I'm attracted to so that I can have good sex and get all my needs met. Alright.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:11:11]:

That's a very worldly approach to marriage and sexuality. But if we're married, we say, okay. We're sanctioning that kind of thinking, which is wrong thinking. You won't find that in the Bible. And so if you come to marriage with this mentality of God wants me to get all my needs met through my spouse, and my spouse needs to accommodate my needs sexually, including what their body looks like, You are so warping God's design for marriage and sexuality that there's no simple solution to that. There's no one conversation that's gonna solve that. And I'll tell you, if your wife does x, y, and z to make you happy today, it's gonna be, let's go back to a, b, and c Mhmm. Next week.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:12:01]:

It's never going to be enough. Hey.

[00:12:03]:

In the last episode, I gave you other tactics for talking to your husband about your body image issues. And so consider that this might be an episode you wanna share with him too. Oh, I know it's a tough conversation to have, and it can be so awkward. But I think our guys need the reminder of of what is true. Here, Julie's gonna tackle the topic of pornography and why it's trained not just men, but women too to think about sex in this distorted way.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:12:32]:

The whole industry of pornography, which is a multibillion dollar industry, is built on the faith and the fact that what you're consuming today will not be enough for what you need tomorrow.

[00:12:44]:

Mhmm.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:12:45]:

And so when you take that mentality in a marriage, you will say hurtful things to your spouse. You will have expectations and demands that that the person you're married to cannot cannot meet, and then you'll try to justify that with taking a few bible verses out of context. And I've seen so many marriages in that situation. And so the problem isn't, now now I'm feeling horrible about my body image because of what my husband said. The problem is we're approaching marriage and sexuality with a completely warped worldview. And, you know, my my passion is to really help couples identify the lies that they've grown up believing and get a healthier view of of what sex is actually meant to be in marriage and how you start building a healthy sex life.

[00:13:37]:

So what does the wife do? She's heard these things from her husband. How does she respond in a helpful way?

[00:13:43]:

Where where can she start?

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:13:45]:

Well, I think that there's different situations that might sound the same way initially. Like, when you say, how about the woman whose whose husband has said, hey. You know, would you change this part of your body? There are good hearted men that are just very misguided, that are insensitive, that again have been raised in a pornified culture, and they really don't even realize what they're saying is so destructive. But they're good guys. They're sensitive. There's other situations where you could be married to a man who is totally insensitive and, doesn't care if he's hurt your feelings. And that is really more bordering on the line of an abusive marriage. Some things that a man repeatedly could say to his wife can be emotionally abusive.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:14:34]:

And if that's the situation, it really it really demands for you to create a crisis and to say, I don't feel safe in our marriage. I don't emotionally feel safe. I don't feel safe with my husband, and I need to get help. And, don't try to navigate it by yourself. If you're in that kind of marriage, you really do need the wisdom and perspective of some godly counsel. And so if you're in that kind of situation, please reach out for help and get perspective. If you're in, again, more that marriage where you're married to a good guy, he just he just doesn't get it.

[00:15:12]:

That's such great advice from doctor Julie, and I hope I hope you'll be able to hear what she's saying there where there is a line. And on one side of that line, certainly forgiveness and some level of just extra grace is required for the guy who just said something insensitive without thinking. And doctor Julie reminds us that sometimes we say insensitive things without thinking. Listen to this story.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:15:44]:

It's not just the men that say these things. I remember, early in my marriage, my husband had put on a few pounds, and I said something to him about it, like, when we were intimate. And it really hurt him. And he told me, like, how much that hurt him, and I was like, I felt so bad. But I learned, wow. I need to be really sensitive. It's not just women who are sensitive about their bodies. And so this is normal.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:16:11]:

I have another friend who is gorgeous. She's got a great little cute figure, and her husband said something to her about, you know, you have a really nice figure. You could be like a 10 if you worked out. And she just was, like, devastated by that. And so, there are and then there are men, again, good good hearted men who are just very insensitive. They compare their wives to somebody jokingly or, they're just careless. And in that sort of situation, I really recommend you having an honest conversation. And, honestly, just saying, you know, some of the things that you've said, I'm sure that you weren't meaning it this way, but it really makes it really plays on my insecurity.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:16:58]:

And I want I wanna work with you on how can we improve our sex life, including how do we give feedback to each other and work on it in a way that makes us feel freer, not more insecure. So that's an invitation. It's giving feedback, but it's an invitation. And for most men, as soon as you hear the words, I want to work on our sex life, they're like, okay. Let's do that.

[00:17:23]:

Sign me up.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:17:24]:

Yes. And not not every case, but in a lot of marriages that that is something a husband's willing to work on. He's maybe not willing to go to counseling, but he's willing to listen to a podcast about sex or read a book or say, hey. Let's let's really focus on this area of our marriage. Now once you get the buy in of let's work on our sex life, I think the work that needs to happen is what I mentioned earlier, going back to the to the definition of what actually is a great sex life, what what creates a great sex life. Yes. It's things like playfulness. It's things like, being able to enjoy each other.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:18:04]:

But the the bottom line foundation of all that makes a great sex life is trust. If I don't trust you, I can't play. If I don't trust you, I can't let go. If I don't trust you, I can't share what I'm feeling in the moment. And so anything that undermines trust is going to sabotage intimacy. And when you start making some of those connections, both you and your husband start realizing how important it is to build trust and to do the things that make you both feel safer and safer and safer in this area of your marriage. And any any criticism, even backhanded comments about the body are gonna make you feel more unsafe, not not build the foundation of trust.

[00:18:52]:

Yeah. That's good.

[00:18:53]:

Feeling safe. That is so important for those of us with body image issues. I mean, I think most of the people I coach, women who join us on the forty day journey, don't have any idea that this is what's underneath their body image issues. That at some level, keeping their body looking a certain way, a certain size, or keeping, let let's say, striving for, keeping that as the goal, that someday I will have this body, someday I'll have this look. Like, there's a safety mechanism in there. And so we already have that, and then we go into marriage, and perhaps our relationship with our spouse is feeding into this already unsafe feeling we have. Friends, it's important to get some help. And maybe that help is a professional counselor that both you and your husband go to, or maybe you're just ready to start working with us in coaching.

[00:19:47]:

We're here for you for that as well. The next question I asked doctor Slattery is so distorted in some ways because for me, I went into marriage believing that if I looked good enough, my husband was just gonna want sex all of the time. I was gonna be beating him off of me, and that's not what happened. Listen to doctor Slattery's answer. What about the woman who feels like my husband hasn't initiated sex in a long time? So that must mean that he's no longer attracted to me.

[00:20:19]:

I know there's a lot that could be going on there, but can you help Yeah. Help soothe soothe soothe that issue a little bit or give her some some possible steps to take?

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:20:29]:

Sure. Yeah. And the first of all, really addressing the stereotype that in every marriage, the husband wants sex all the time. That's very important to address. So in probably about thirty percent of marriages, the woman actually has a higher sex drive than the husband does just in general. Right? But then you add on to it all the things that get layered onto sexual desire and initiating things like stress at work, depression, anxiety, the impact of illness and medication, insecurity. Like, for for many men to initiate a sexual encounter is a risk because they feel like I put myself out there, and what if she rejects me? For other men, this is a very real thing. If they've grown up with a history of pornography, they actually have trouble initially even getting aroused with their wife.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:21:28]:

And so they're afraid of that. Like, what if I can't perform? Or, you know, what if I don't I I can't get into it because I have all these all these images of pornography in the back of

[00:21:41]:

my mind, and I can't tell my wife that.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:21:41]:

And so sex becomes the secret compartment in his life that he really doesn't know how to bridge with his wife. So most likely, the reason your husband is not initiating has nothing to do with whether or not you're attractive. It's all these other things. It's fear. It's shame. It's, even biology of low testosterone levels. It it's so many other things. But this is, again, where couples need to to gain the vocabulary and the comfort level to actually talk about sex and to even have a conversation about, hey.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:22:18]:

I've noticed that you haven't initiated in a while. I just wanna check-in with you. How do you think things are going in our sex life? You know, where can we work? Where can I improve? You know, those sort of conversations, this is how I feel. The the that's what builds intimacy. But but, Heather, most couples, first of all, don't have the vocabulary to start those conversations, and they're really afraid of, man, that's so vulnerable. What if that kind of conversation goes south? I don't know if I could handle that.

[00:22:48]:

Right. I remember not having the vocabulary myself. I Yeah.

[00:22:53]:

I just I was so entrenched in, oh, this

[00:22:56]:

is about me and how I look.

[00:22:59]:

And that instead of being able to have a constructive conversation initiate a constructive conversation, it was more like I would just wait until I got so angry I was bubbling over.

[00:23:09]:

And I'd be like, I can't believe we haven't had sex in so long. What's wrong with you? What's wrong with me? You know? And it did

[00:23:14]:

not go well. We used to call it our Friday night fight. Oh. Yeah. But but we, you know, we we were in counseling for a long time after that, and it helped us both quite a bit. But, but, yeah, I think I think that's that's spot on. Just having those conversations is very difficult, but very, very necessary. So what about the woman, though, in that scenario? Because you you called it out.

[00:23:40]:

If he's been turned down a lot

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:23:42]:

Mhmm.

[00:23:44]:

It makes it harder. Yeah. And what if he's getting turned down? What if she's turning him down? Because I hear this all the time too. She's saying no until she loses the 20 pounds. She's saying no because she doesn't want him to see her naked.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:23:59]:

Yeah. Can

[00:24:01]:

you can you speak to her?

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:24:03]:

Yeah. I I would say, first of all, you're depriving yourself and your husband of a good gift

[00:24:10]:

Mhmm.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:24:10]:

Because of your insecurity. And I'd encourage you to ask the question, where did that voice come from? You know, like, is God telling you you need to lose the pounds in order to enjoy sex? No. There's no way. Okay. So if God's not telling you that, where is it coming from? And really take that seriously. You know, I really believe and have learned that sex is a spiritual battlefield. Absolutely. And we let the enemy win when we live by lies, when we believe lies.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:24:42]:

And in my own journey, one woman who's been, like, just hugely impactful for me is Linda Dillo. She cofounded Authentic Intimacy with me and has written some books on sexual intimacy. And here's this. When I met her, she was, like, 70 years old, 70 year old grandma, you know, like, encouraging women about sexual intimacy. And she said something to me that has always stuck with me. She's like, as far as your body, it's not what you have, but what you do with what you have. Like, God has given me this body. It's not perfect.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:25:15]:

It's gonna continue to age and sag. But by by God's good design, my husband is captured by my body. And when I use my body to love him well, it's very fulfilling to him. And if I can focus on that, he's not asking for a perfect body.

[00:25:34]:

Right.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:25:35]:

He's he's asking for his wife. He's asking for us to enjoy this together. And for too many years, I was depriving myself and my husband of the joy of what God wanted because I believed a lie. And there are an awful lot of women like that. And if, you know, a 70 year old former missionary can say, hey. It's it's what I do with what I have that matters. I'm like, well, I could do that too. That's a different mindset.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:26:04]:

And that really helped me experience a lot of freedom just from my own insecurities.

[00:26:09]:

Right. Right. And I think that mindset, you have to carry it right into the bedroom as well. You do. Right? Like, how do you keep yourself from I think the word is spectatoring. Right? Like like, in the moment, are there some strategies that you can Yeah. Instruct women to, you know, oh, I don't want him to touch there or he touches that Yeah. Spot on your thigh, and then you're spiraling until he sees how much weight I've gained or whatever.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:26:33]:

Can can

[00:26:33]:

you help us out there?

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:26:35]:

Yeah. So, it really is thought replacement. So, you know, the way that I've learned to really understand this is if you imagine sexual pleasure as being a pathway you're walking and you keep taking steps and then you run into a stop sign or you run into a detour, and what you've trained yourself to do is stop. Like, I can't go any further. I'm gonna freeze or take a detour of you know, I'm gonna think about some experience I had twenty years ago just to dissociate because I can't be present or I become a spectator. What God really wants us to do is to tear down that stop sign.

[00:27:15]:

Mhmm.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:27:15]:

And we we replace the thought of, I don't really wanna do this, or he must be thinking that I'm so fat with a better thought. Like, even from Song of Solomon, which gives us so much permission to enjoy sex. Like, some of the thoughts that I've learned to to say in my own head is, this is a good thing. I want this. Like, I want to be with my husband. I wanna be naked with him. His body isn't perfect either. We love each other.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:27:47]:

And I'll even pray. Like, Lord, help me to get over what I'm feeling right now. Help me to help me to focus on you. Help me to focus on my husband. Help me to enter in. And that phrase enter in has really has really come to mean a a lot to me because I do think women tend not to enter into the moment or into the pleasure of sex for one reason or another. But God's invitation for a married couple is to enter in. And, sex is really like, there's a lot of parallels to our relationship with God, but it really is like worship.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:28:24]:

So, so sex is sort of the way that we celebrate our love as a married couple, the same way that worshiping God, singing to him would be how we celebrate our love with God. And being a spectator is never worshiping. Like, you can have the most amazing worship leader at your church, but if you're just sitting there watching, you're not worshiping. Yeah. Worshiping means entering into the song and the words and lifting your heart, your adoration to the Lord. Now you're entering in. And there's a parallel that, there's a difference between sexual activity and sexual intimacy. Your body can do what it's supposed to do, and it's just activity.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:29:09]:

But for it to be intimacy, you have to say yes to entering in. And it's really just, again, shifting your mind. And, Heather, that's why I go back to saying it's so important that we think about sex the right way so we actually can begin identifying where the enemy gets footholds.

[00:29:28]:

Yeah. Yeah. That's good.

[00:29:31]:

The last question I asked doctor Julie is, what are the connections or why is it that those of us who have maybe been on a diet for most of our lives or constantly been trying to improve our bodies or, you know, constantly, like, feeling like our bodies are wrong, feeling body shame, Like, why do we have such a hard time in the arena of sex? Specifically, why does it feel awkward that sex should be satisfying or pleasurable? I think you're gonna like your answer.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:30:06]:

I would put myself in that category. So, you know, I I pro I had disordered eating growing up and that diet culture thing and, self deprivation and the feeling that I was a more disciplined and spiritual person by not enjoying pleasure. And that does translate into sex because it's a it's essential. It's a bodily pleasure. And, again, I think this goes back to, okay. Where's the lie? Well, the lie is that God doesn't want me to experience pleasure, and then I'm a better Christian if I don't. That is just not consistent with scripture. I was talking with a Christian sex therapist a while ago and asking him about the idea of fasting, like fasting from food, but also fasting from sex.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:30:58]:

And he said, yeah. He said the Bible does have some indication that, that there's a place for fasting of denying yourself. But what he said next really surprised me. He said the Bible talks far more about feasting, And there are more feasts in the Bible than fast and God's command that we feast. And so there are some of us that we got the fasting thing down, but we never embrace the feasting, Feasting on the goodness of God, feasting on the goodness of sexual pleasure in marriage. The whole book of Song of Solomon, why is that book in the Bible Right. Of 66 books? It's the only book that is about a human relationship. And God chose to have that book not only be about marriage, but about sex and marriage and about sexual pleasure in marriage.

[00:31:49]:

Yeah.

Dr. Julie Slattery [00:31:49]:

And so there, even in that one little book is the stamp of approval that God is saying, you as a married couple, I'm commanding you to feast and enjoy what I've created. And I needed to hear that message as a wife. I I needed to realize that, actually, I was being disobedient by withholding the pleasure that god had given me to enjoy in the context that he gave me to enjoy it.

[00:32:18]:

Absolutely. That's so good. And I'm just I'm just thinking just

[00:32:22]:

as you've said, there's no mandate to wear a certain size or look a certain way to show up to feast. Nope. That's not in there.

[00:32:33]:

That's all extra, right, that we put on ourselves. So that that's really good.

[00:32:38]:

I hope you've enjoyed this chance to hear a true expert on biblical marriage and sex and body image talk about her answers to these questions that I know are just important to so many of you. I so hope this has been helpful. You can learn more about doctor Julie Slattery on her website, authentic intimacy, or you can grab her books. She's solid, y'all. She does a great job. She has, like, two new books out, I think, on one on sex and one on pornography. So you may wanna check those out. Hey.

[00:33:06]:

Thanks for listening today. If we can encourage you in any way, you know we're here for that. [email protected] or go to improvebodyimage.com and check out all we have to offer at Compare To Who. Thanks for listening. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living. Bye bye. Compare To Podcast is proud to be part of the Life Audio Podcast Network for more great Christian podcasts for the LifeAudio.com.