How Your Nervous System Affects Your Body Image Issues Featuring Dr. Tamara Rosier Part 2/2 [Podcast Transcript]

Title: How Your Nervous System Affects Your Body Image Issues Featuring Dr. Tamara Rosier Part 2/2

Podcast Date: September 20, 2024

Listen Here: 

Description 

Today Heather Creekmore continues the conversation with Dr. Tamara Rosier diving into the intricate relationship between the nervous system and body image issues. 

Here are three key takeaways you won't want to miss:

• Holistic Approach to Body Image: Culture often misguides us into believing that weight loss alone can resolve body image issues. Dr. Tamara Rosier and Heather Creekmore discuss that true resolution involves both physical and spiritual components, highlighting the complexity of understanding what is going on in your brain and your nervous system in certain scenarios.
  
  
• Understanding Nervous System Dynamics: Your nervous system plays a pivotal role in how you perceive and manage stressors related to body image. The episode emphasizes the importance of being aware of your nervous system to stay within your "window of tolerance"—a balanced state where you can effectively manage stress and interact socially without distress.
  
  
• Effective Coping Strategies: Both Dr. Rosier and Heather share personal stories of hyperarousal and hypoarousal, offering practical advice like box breathing and EMDR therapy. These techniques can help regulate the nervous system, providing tools to cope with anxiety, stress, and social situations more effectively.
  
  

Dr. Tamara Rosier also introduces her new book, "You, Me, and Our ADHD Family," which offers valuable insights into family dynamics and emotional management, applicable to everyone, not just those with ADHD. (Amazon affiliate link)

Listen to Heather's interview with Dr. Rosier on ADHD and Body Image Issues: https://omny.fm/shows/compared-to-who/could-your-body-image-issues-connect-to-adhd-featu

Connect with Dr. Tamara Rosier: https://www.tamararosier.com/ or at https://www.miadhd.com

Go check out our brand new Etsy show to get cute podcast merch: https://www.improvebodyimage.com/shop

New to the show? Learn more about Heather Creekmore, Heather's books, and the ministry of Compared to Who? at: www.improvebodyimage.com

Outline

04:26 How The Nervous System Works

08:50 Trauma and Hyper-arousal 

12:47 Trauma and Hypo-arousal

16:36 Getting Back To Our Window of Tolerance

20:04 Body Image Nervous System Responses

25:09 A Strategy For Social Anxiety

Heather Creekmore [00:00:04]:

Culture is like, if you just lose weight, you know, if you just get the body, then you'll be fine. And the truth is no, it's so much more complex than that. I mean, there's a spiritual component to this that we talk about all the time, but I just love hearing about the physical component. Like, the reality is my nervous system needs me to be aware of it. So yeah. I actually have the ability to walk into the party and, you know, live in my window of tolerance and think about others.

Heather Creekmore [00:00:30]:

But if I'm not aware, like, I don't have a chance of doing it. Right? Hey there, friend. Heather Creekmore here today. I'm continuing my conversation with doctor Tamara Rosier. She's written some great books on ADHD. Last time we talked about narcissism and body image issues. And today, we are talking about your nervous system. How your body, your brain, your nervous system, whoo, how it really can play a role in how we handle our body image issues. You are gonna get so much out of this conversation.

Heather Creekmore [00:01:04]:

You're gonna learn a lot. I'm excited for you to be here. Hey. If you enjoy it, drop us a review. Those are the nicest things you could do. Drop a review on Apple or Spotify. Let us know what you're loving about this show. Now, let's get to today's episode.

Heather Creekmore [00:01:22]:

Welcome to Compare To Who, the podcast to help you make peace with your body so you can savor God's rest and feel his love. If you're tired of fighting body image the world's way, Compare To Who is the show for you. You've likely heard lots of talk about loving your body, but my goal is different. Striving to fall in love with stretch marks and cellulite is a little silly to me. Instead, I want to encourage you and remind you with the truth of scripture that you are seen, you are known, and you are loved no matter what your size or shape. Here, the pressure is off. If you're looking for real talk, biblical encouragement, and regular reminders that God loves you and you're not alone, you've come to the right place. I hope you enjoy today's show, and, hey, tell a friend about it.

Heather Creekmore [00:02:08]:

Doctor Tamara Rosier, thank you so much for being on the Compared To Who podcast again.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:02:14]:

Hey. I'm so glad to be here.

Heather Creekmore [00:02:15]:

Okay. So you have this brand new book. And last time we were talking about narcissism and boundaries and all the things. So if you haven't listened to that episode, go back and listen to the first part. But today I want to dig more into, let's call it nervous system stuff. I know that's the technical name for it, nervous system stuff. But, you know, I've been studying this a little bit more really since our conversation when you were on the show the first time where we talked about ADHD and being your prefrontal cortex versus well, really for the ADHD person, not being your prefrontal cortex. Versus living in fight or flight, vagus nerve, calming yourself down.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:02:56]:

Exactly. Yes.

Heather Creekmore [00:02:57]:

All of those things. And, you know, as women who struggle with body image issues Yeah. I would say, this is my hypothesis, and I'm gonna let you say whether or not I am way off base or or if I'm right. I think we live in fight or flight a lot because we are always scanning to see if we're gonna be rejected. What do you think?

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:03:22]:

100%. So here let's draw this out. Okay? By the way, I love your listeners because I've had body issues. I've had to heal, and it's so funny how they'll creep back in. And I really have to remain vigilant. And it's just amazing how easily. 

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:03:50]:

And even, you know, as I age, you know, I can become hypercritical of myself. So I really have to be careful, and that's why I just wanna say to your listeners right now, if I say anything that you're like, ouch, Tamara, watch where you're stepping. I apologize. I'm at a different place right now, and I know some of you guys are still in the thick of it. And it's really hard, and I don't know if I could hear things I might say today. So I just wanna say that, with a lot of love, if you could extend me some grace on that.

How The Nervous System Works

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:04:26]:

So let's talk about the nervous system for a second. Our nervous system was designed, with 2 it's like 2, pathways, sympathetic, parasympathetic. Now I'm oversimplifying all of this, and you probably know about the sympathetic nervous system. That's our fight or flight, freeze or appease. Right? That's what we do to respond. And then the other side is the rest and digest. 

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:05:02]:

And I almost feel like, okay. Please don't think I'm being sacrilegious, but I kind of feel like I could rewrite a verse going, instead of be still and know that I'm God, it's rest and digest. I know that I'm God.

Heather Creekmore [00:05:15]:

I love it. Not sacrilegious at all. I think that's perfect.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:05:18]:

But that's kind of what we're doing. Yeah. Because God's saying, hey, listen. I know something about how your body works. Yeah. And girlfriend, it works this way. Yeah.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:05:27]:

You need to rest and digest to have the thoughts that you need to have, and your whole body works this way. Yeah. Because when we're in the sympathetic, the fight, flight, freeze, appease, we're not going to be able to problem solve. We're just react, react, react. We don't live in a society that really appreciates rest and digest.

Heather Creekmore [00:05:53]:

Yeah.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:05:56]:

And people are like, well, what are you talking about? I was laying in bed scrolling on my phone for an hour, like, that was rest and digest. And today, I'd like to suggest, perhaps it's not what you think it is.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:06:10]:

Now, again, I'm not against, I'm not judging anyone for their phone use. Hey. I look at reels as much as anyone else. If I were younger, I'd be more on TikTok, but I'm just not. So, not that cool. But, so, are you okay if I kind of introduce the “window of tolerance"?

Heather Creekmore [00:06:29]:

Please. I'd like to. Yep.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:06:32]:

Yep. So imagine a window, and that window is, we call it a window. It could just be a box in your brain. Yeah. But that window lets the fresh air of who you are in. It's just that window where I know where I am. I'm not too alert. I'm not too not alert.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:06:55]:

I just am comfortable in my skin. Now think about your journey, my journey, how often were we actually comfortable in our skin?

Heather Creekmore [00:07:07]:

Not often. Right? 

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:07:10]:

Which means the window is partly shut for us sometimes. And our life goal in this area is to open up that window so that we have a wider tolerance. It's called the window of tolerance. So that if something happens, we're like, that's okay. I still know who I am, what I stand for. I don't have to overreact. I don't have to underreact. I'm okay.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:07:34]:

Right? Our window of tolerance helps us manage stress. Okay? And we'll it's kind of almost kind of being in the parasympathetic state, rest digest, you're just doing life. Now a word to ADHD people, let's say we go through life thinking everything is attacking us. So an email, oh, no. What does this person want? My brain immediately goes above the window to hyperarousal. Also, now I'm in fight or flight over an email.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:08:15]:

Or over the amount of emails. Or over the fact that I just did something stupid 20 minutes ago. Right?

Heather Creekmore [00:08:22]:

Right. Or two hours ago, and I'm still thinking about it. 

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:08:25]:

Exactly. Like, you name it. My brain goes into hyperarousal. And so anytime remember, hyperarousal is there for emergencies and only emergencies. So let me give you an example of how my window of tolerance got broken this summer.

Trauma and Hyper-arousal

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:08:50]:

I love how God gives me all these experiences. I'm like, wow. I feel like it's additional lessons. So thank you. So I had an oral surgery, and it was a very uncomfortable surgery. And I'm like, oh, my face is still numb. I get home. He put, anytime you have oral surgery, they put you on an antibiotic

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:09:10]:

Because the mouth is dirty. I take the antibiotic. I've taken it before. And, so landscapers were at our house. I went out to talk to them. I'm like, wow. I just have this weird nagging cough. It's so weird.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:09:26]:

And I said to my husband, you know what? I gotta go lay it down. I'm not feeling great. I feel like I can't breathe right. And I have asthma, so alarm bells were going off. 15 minutes later, I'm like, something's terribly wrong with me. And, my mouth was numb, so I couldn't feel my throat swelling shut.

Heather Creekmore [00:09:48]:

Oh, oh, no.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:09:49]:

Yeah. And my pulse ox, like, you know, I have an iPhone or a watch that will take my pulse ox.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:09:57]:

It was 80. Wow. It's supposed to be 95. I mean, 99 is better, but when you have asthma, like, you'll settle for 92.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:10:07]:

But it was 80, which means I was hypoxic. Right. And I needed to get help. And I text my husband, please help me. And that guy, that sweetheart of a guy, he was out buying me flowers for the surgery.

Heather Creekmore [00:10:21]:

Aww.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:10:21]:

And he's like, do I need to come home? I said, right away. So he comes. He sees me. I'm on the floor, and he's like, what's happening? And finally, I'm like, we have to go to the hospital. And we only live 5 minutes away. I had the golden ticket of not being able to breathe, so I just passed everyone else. But I went into anaphylactic shock.

Heather Creekmore [00:10:48]:

Wow.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:10:49]:

So it was incredibly stressful. And getting to the hospital for me was the stressful part. Once I was there, I'm like, we're good. Like, I trust these people. I mean. They had two lines in me immediately, epi epi, needle in me, like, they were doing life saving procedures. And I'm like, cool.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:11:11]:

This is what I needed. But after that, I couldn't regulate my nervous system. So I would have a conversation that was kind of tense, but normally I'd be okay with that. And I'd be okay in the moment, and then afterwards, I just start shaking and crying. Well, that's not like me. It's like my my body and my brain waited to go into hyperarousal, like I relied on training in the moment and then go into hyperarousal afterwards. 

So my nervous system was so messed up that for 3 weeks, I could just, I felt jittery. Like, someone would come near me, and I jump. Like, one time the dogs were barking, my husband was playing with my dogs, I just started crying. Like, that's not like me. I was stuck in hyperarousal. And I know a lot about the nervous system, so I kept trying to calm myself down.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:12:08]:

Now because it was caused by trauma, I ended up and also I have, colleagues who work at the EDC center with me offering this. I was able to do a session of EMDR. That really helped me reregulate my nervous system. So I needed extra help there.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:12:30]:

But that's an extreme case of how I had a really nice window of tolerance. And then it smashed from trauma. And Yeah. A lot of your listeners have trauma.

Trauma and Hypo-arousal

Heather Creekmore [00:12:47]:

The scenario I shared with you in the last episode. So that created a lot of contention at our church. In fact, we ended up in a, kind of a group counseling, group mediation session that was very traumatic. And we ended up moving, of course. But that I would have said the exact same thing you just said maybe just without the eloquent words. But I felt like for years after that.

Heather Creekmore [00:13:18]:

Years, I couldn't tolerate anything. And I mean, literally we moved here and I would lie on the couch and watch little house on the prairie because

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:13:27]:

I used to watch that a lot.

Heather Creekmore [00:13:28]:

Yeah. It was like somewhat calming and I've seen most of the episodes in my childhood or read them. So I was like, I couldn't handle anything that was gonna be a surprise. Like, I never liked Hallmark movies before because I thought they were too cheesy. I started watching Hallmark movies because there was no surprise to how it was gonna end. So it was, like, safe and calming.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:13:51]:

Okay.

Heather Creekmore [00:13:52]:

Go ahead.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:13:52]:

This is perfect. This is perfect. What you just did. Guys, we didn't plan this. She's just that good.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:13:57]:

So I told you what's above the window is hyperarousal. I told you I was in hyperarousal. You're like, well, a window of tolerance is out for me. I'm gonna go below the window.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:14:07]:

To hypo Yeah. H-y-p-o arousal. So you're like, hey. Guess what? If I can't regulate this in this window of tolerance to get back to who I feel I am, I'm good in my skin, I'm gonna go hypo, and I'm going to put myself in a sensory deprivation chamber. Essentially, that's kind of what you did.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:14:28]:

And there's no bad or good here. Right? No judgment because you're like, I'm so fragile right now. This hurt. This raped my nervous system. Yeah. And I don't have any options.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:14:44]:

And so I really want to encourage people, there are books, there are YouTube videos on how to reset your nervous system. Now, remember after the anaphylactic shock, I needed extra help. And I went specifically to a very specific form of therapy that I'm fond of because it works well for trauma. EMDR. And make sure you find a really good clinician or people who really know what they're doing there.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:15:17]:

So that's very important. But a lot of times, we just go to hyperarousal all the time just to get things done. Right? Or sometimes I'm around people that I just you know, like, it's a cocktail party. I'm wearing a strapless bra. I'm like, I feel gross now and my nervous system is kind of on edge. Right? I'm wearing heels that are way, why would I choose these shoes? I wanna be in Birkenstocks right now. Right? So you're having all these thoughts, and your brain gets confused to go, well, then we're probably in danger. If you have to wear a strapless bra and those high heels, we're probably in danger. And then I get confused that kind of a fight flight feeling in a social situation.

Heather Creekmore [00:16:06]:

Yeah. Right? Interesting. Yeah.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:16:08]:

So I've gotta constantly work on bringing my body down to the window of tolerance.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:16:15]:

Right? Now you went to hypo arousal. And hypo arousal is a way of going, I cannot do this. I know I can't really check out on life, but I'm gonna check out on life. And neither is good or bad. It's what we do when we're dysregulated.

Getting Back To Our Window of Tolerance

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:16:36]:

Yeah. Oh, by the way, just yesterday, I had a day where I was above the window. Nothing was going right. We were on a generator at home. I had a podcast to do. My WiFi always goes out, because I guess it's a very delicate system up here in the northern woods. And so I had to rearrange my schedule to drive into the center 45 minutes away. I had all these things going on. My dogs were acting like crazy fools while I was trying to lead meetings.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:17:10]:

It was just so much that I was, like, getting frazzled. And so I'm gonna drive in. I'm, like, hey, you are way out of this window of tolerance, and, girlfriend, you've got a lot to do today.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:17:24]:

Oh, and I get asthma attacks if I get too hyper aroused. I mean, I'm like that little kid on a TV show who always needs the inhaler when they get too excited. That's me. My body tattles on me. Right?

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:17:38]:

And so I sat, and I just did box breathing, for 20 minutes of my ride. I mean, not consistently the whole ride, but, like, I do, like, 6 breaths of box breathing. And so if you're, listeners don't know box breathing, it's inhale for 5, hold for 5, exhale for 5, hold that exhale for 5, and repeat the boxes.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:18:05]:

And I use the box and I literally you'll see my hand move like a conductor. Because I'm reminding myself, what am I supposed to be doing?

Heather Creekmore [00:18:13]:

Which one am I on? Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:18:15]:

Which one am I on? So, that actually took me back to my window of tolerance. So there are things you can do. So if I'm in hyperarousal, I need to bring my body down to the window of tolerance. Yeah. If you're in hypoarousal, you need to bring it up to the window of tolerance. So I wanna be careful, though. We always have to, if there's trauma involved, we have to deal with the trauma.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:18:46]:

Like, I could not press snooze even though I was really trying hard for 2 weeks. I mean, I had a friend keep saying, hey. You should probably think about EMDR. I'm like, nah. I'm fine. I've gotta break window of tolerance. Meanwhile, my body was going, no. We don't. So I'll be still with the trauma first.

Heather Creekmore [00:19:08]:

That's good.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:19:09]:

So, Yeah. So if you're in a hypoarousal, you've gotta bring yourself up. And so here's what it could look like. Again, we're not mad at you for lying on the couch watching Little House on the Prairie and secretly hating Deli Olson because we all did.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:19:26]:

Right? But something that you can do to get back in your window of tolerance, go for a walk. And if you're like, oh, Tamara, I just don't know. I don't know if I have the energy. You're right. Let's just put your shoes on. Just walk a block if you do that. And what we're trying to do is to let your brain know I am okay. I can come out of hiding.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:19:57]:

Yes. Because when you're in hyperarousal, that's fight. Hypo is freeze.

Body Image Nervous System Responses

Heather Creekmore [00:20:04]:

So would it be safe to say so, like, just to put this into, like, the body image terms, if you will. This is kind of the way I would see it. Like, you go to that party. Okay. Let's go back to your party where you run the strapless bra and the heels. But you're at that party and you're kind of already amped up because you're uncomfortable. But then you start noticing that all your friends have been using Ozempic and are now much shrunken versions of themselves. And you are feeling ah, so in hyperarousal, your response is you run home, you start Googling Ozempic and all the new plans, and you maybe go for a run, and you just stay amped up.

Heather Creekmore [00:20:53]:

That would be one one way that would look, or what am I missing?

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:20:58]:

Or at the party, I start to get amped up. And then I start to, like you know, you'll see me, and it, like, I look faster. Like, I'm literally, my brain's like, watch out. Watch out. And so someone's coming up, and they're like, hi. It's good to see - good to see you too! It's like I look on edge.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:21:15]:

I look anxious. Yeah. Because I would be.

Heather Creekmore [00:21:18]:

Yeah. Right? And then hypo, it's - yep. I'm just never gonna leave the house again. I've decided.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:21:25]:

Or well, hypo let's just take it back to the moment. If I'm in hypoarousal, like, alright. I'm just shutting down. Like, I can't take the sensory stuff that are of the stuff I'm wearing. Why the heck would I wear this? Oh, by the way, it's always my hands. I have man hands, and I garden a lot. And my nails are misshapen from hitting them with, you know, things. Like, I'm clumsy. So I'm always, like, very sensitive about man hands.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:21:54]:

And I'm always like, oh, I should've done my nails. And by the way, I hate having acrylics or press ons or anything. It's such a sensory issue for me. I get also, like, I should've paid more attention to that. Why didn't I pay attention to that? And then I find myself, like, slipping my hands underneath the table. And it's like I would almost sink in on myself. Right? My shoulders become hunched. I become smaller. That's signs of hypoarousal.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:22:26]:

Okay. Like, if I could, I would crawl under this table. Now when I'm in the window of tolerance in these situations, I'm open, I'm loving, I'm kind. And by the way, those aren't true of me when I'm in hyperarousal or hypo. Right. I'm still the kind of person who is loving and kind. But I can't do that outside my window of tolerance. Because all I can think about is my man hands.

Heather Creekmore [00:22:57]:

Right. Well, me and am I safe? Right? I mean, isn't that really what it boils down to? Me and am I safe?

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:23:02]:

Yeah. Are people judging me because of my man hands right now? And I still I, you know, I'm always like, Tamara, you have working hands. You've always had working hands. You love working. It's fine. I'm like, I know. I should have at least put some kind of effort into them.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:23:23]:

And, literally, the nails are misshapen. It is a weird situation. It is from smashing my fingers so many times. Oh, right. I’m ADHD and I forget. You know? I'd slam my finger and stuff. But I have a choice. Instead of closing in on myself or getting hyper aroused, I can recenter myself and my nervous system. And there's so many ways for us to do this. 

Heather Creekmore [00:23:57]:

That's really helpful. And I'm just thinking that, you know, for so many women, right, we've just, I think culture has oversimplified our body image issues. Right? Culture is like, if you just lose weight, you know, if you just get the body, then you'll be fine. And the truth is no. It's so much more complex than that. I mean, there's a spiritual component to this that we talk about all the time, But I just love hearing about the physical component. Like, the reality is my nervous system needs me to be aware of it. So Yeah.

Heather Creekmore [00:24:26]:

I actually have the ability to walk into the party and, you know, live in my window of tolerance and think about others. But if I'm not aware, like, I don't have a chance of doing it. Right? I'm gonna walk in there either super nervous, what do they think of me, and amped up. And I mean, I've been that person, you know, that I could talk to everyone and blah blah blah blah, you know, just the power broker at the party. And it's like looking back on it, it's like, oh, yeah, that was just all like hyperarousal. Right? Just, you know, covering for myself if you will. And then I've also been the person that was like, I just wanna hide.

Heather Creekmore [00:25:03]:

How many times can I go to the bathroom before it looks like I have stomach issues? You know, those kind of things. So it's all really helpful.

A Strategy For Social Anxiety

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:25:09]:

I'd love to share a trick that I do.

Heather Creekmore [00:25:13]:

Please. Absolutely.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:25:14]:

It's not a trick. I didn't mean to call it a trick. Because it's a strategy. And, sometimes for the women who do have social anxiety. So something we don't always talk about, but people with body issues often have social anxiety issues. Right?

Heather Creekmore [00:25:29]:

Absolutely. Yep.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:25:30]:

I know a woman who it takes an hour for her to do her makeup because it's almost like a calming ritual for her. It's like she's putting on her war mask. 

Heather Creekmore [00:25:39]:

Yeah. War paint. Yep.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:25:41]:

And she's beautiful, but she's got a lot of body issues. Yeah. And, frankly, people in her life, you know, see previous, about narcissism. She had a narcissist in her life, kind of her father was feeding her “you're just not good enough”. And she's actually a striking looking woman.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:26:01]:

So my strategy to stay in my window of tolerance is when I feel like I'm leaving it for a social reason, like social anxiety is, I stop, and, I get the dread - the social dread, like, the day before, like, why did I say yes to this thing?

Heather Creekmore [00:26:24]:

Right. Right. Am I sick? Maybe I'm sick. Maybe I can't go because I'm sick.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:26:29]:

Oh oh, yeah. Oh, gosh. My stomach doesn't feel good. And I'm just being really honest. I even have social dread around, and it's not so much anxiety for me. It's more just dread. Like, I don't, I don't wanna do this.

I have a book launch on 24th, and, you know, I'm like, who even is even gonna come? No one is gonna wanna do this. And my friends are like, Tamara, let us love you. And they kinda did an intervention with me going, accept our love.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:27:01]:

And so I'm still gonna have social dread right up to it, but here's what I'm going to do. Driving to the place. I'm gonna say a prayer. And it's, God, I'm grateful that you brought me here, and I'm grateful for all the people that I will see tonight. How do you want me to reflect you tonight?

Heather Creekmore [00:27:21]:

Yeah. I love it. Yep. Good.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:27:24]:

And it takes all the pressure off me. So it doesn't matter because I gave myself a job. If my job is to reflect God, then it doesn't matter if I have man hands.

Heather Creekmore [00:27:35]:

So good. Yep. So good.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:27:36]:

Yeah. And so that's what I do. And now during the party, I might go, oh, I'm feeling like this again. I'm gonna put myself in a quick time out, Say that prayer. Like, God, whoops. I forgot again. Thank you. Who do you want me to reflect you to tonight?

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:27:58]:

And by the way, God always answers that prayer. Always.

Heather Creekmore [00:28:02]:

I've done it too. Help me love them well used to be my before I go speak prayer. Yeah. I love it. That's so good. 

Heather Creekmore [00:28:11]:

Hey, before we wrap up, so you have this brand new book, like you said, you got your launch coming 24th called You, Me, and Our ADHD Family, which it is about having family members with ADHD and how you relate. But you go so much further than that that I would hate for someone to be like, well, no one in my family has ADHD, so this book won't help me. Because I think there's a lot of good stuff in here. We just give me, like, a 15 second overview of that book.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:28:37]:

Yeah. I was really compelled to write this book, and it's because I see families who are beautiful people who are hurting each other.

And they're, these are beautiful people, but they can't quite figure out how to make it work. And you're right. This could be for any family member, and it's not a parenting book. But because I'm an ADHD expert, of course, I'm gonna do it from the ADHD point of view. But, I really wanted families to stop burning each other. And so the first part of the book is keep your own house in order.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:29:16]:

Okay. So I'm just gonna tell you the first part is, are you a safe person? Are you balanced? Are you in your window of tolerance? Are you managing your nervous system? And the second part of the book is called welcome to the rodeo, and it goes through, emotionally managing ourselves well. I think it goes through, how to have difficult conversations with each other, to what do we do when we screw up? What is a good apology? I give a way to think about it as reach, repair, reconnect, and I talk about those three things. So that's what's in store for you if you read the book.

Heather Creekmore [00:30:03]:

I love it. Love it. And I read most of it, and I thought it was a fantastic book. So go look for You, Me, and Our ADHD Family by doctor Tamara Rosier. It's gonna be avail- well, it's all available on Amazon. All the places books are sold right now and releases officially, soon. So, Tamara, thanks for being on the show. Thanks for helping us.

Heather Creekmore [00:30:28]:

Thanks for this nervous system stuff and narcissism stuff. Appreciate you and what you do. 

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:30:35]:

Oh, I love what you do and I just love your kind heart. You just have such a beautiful soul.

Heather Creekmore [00:30:42]:

Thanks! Will you tell everyone where they can find you? You have some fun stuff online, don't you? Some resources and such?

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:30:48]:

Yeah. Yeah. They can find me at https://www.tamararosier.com/.

Heather Creekmore [00:30:52]:

Okay.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:30:53]:

And, the center, the ADT Center's website is www.miadhd.com. That's M as in Mary, I as in, I guess, igloo. Adhd.com. 

Heather Creekmore [00:31:09]:

Great. I'll put links to all that in the show notes. Well, thanks again for being on the show today. And thank you for watching or listening today. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living.

Dr. Tamara Rosier [00:31:19]:

Bye bye.