If I Could Just Get Back to The Body I Used to Have [Podcast Transcript]

Title: If I Could Just Get Back to The Body I Used to Have: When You Long for Your Pre-Baby, Pre-Menopause, Younger, Smaller Body

Podcast Date: January 28, 2025

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Description

Have you ever  said, "If only I could just be the size I used to be... then I'd be happy." Or, maybe you've thought, "If I could just weigh what I did before the baby, or menopause, or when I had the eating disorder...then I wouldn't have body image issues." Oh, friend. In today's episode, Heather Creekmore, Christian body image coach and best-selling author, dispels these myths and gives you the practical truth and a "BS test" ("baloney sandwich") to see if you believe lies that will keep you stuck in body image issues and frustration. If you've ever longed for the smaller, younger, sleeker, different body that you "used to have"... this episode will encourage you and give you practical strategies to align your thoughts with the truth of scripture.

Learn more about the ministry of Compared to Who? at https://www.improvebodyimage.com

Read Heather's 40-Day Body Image Workbook-- starting with a free sample (Day 5 is mentioned in today's show) here: https://amzn.to/4ai0FFS (Amazon affiliate link - small portion of your purchase goes back to this ministry).

Learn more about the 40-Day Journey here: https://www.improvebodyimage.com/40-day-challenge

Transcript

Disclaimer: This transcript is AI-generated and has not been edited for accuracy or clarity.

[00:00:02]:

Life audio. Hey, friend. Heather Creekmore here. Have you ever said these words, if I could just get my old body back, then I'd be happy. Or maybe you thought, if I could just get back to the size I wore, then if I could just have my pre baby body back. If I could just have my pre menopause body back. If I could just have the body I had in my teens or twenties back. Or maybe you've seen this meme.

[00:00:34]:

Like, if only I could just be as fat as I was when I thought I was fat 10 or 20 years ago. Have you said it? Have you thought it? Have you believed it? Well, today, we're gonna explore whether or not that's actually true. I'm glad you're here for it. Hey. If you haven't read the 40 day body image workbook, let me encourage you. Grab a copy. It's the best thing you can do in this new year to help you truly transform the way you think about your body, your body size, and your body image. And the best way to read the book is with us.

[00:01:15]:

We started the 40 day journey earlier this month. A new one will start in March. Sign ups will go up soon. So make sure you join us on that 40 day journey. It can really be the most pivotal step you take in finding freedom from obsessing over your body and your size and your shape and thinking about food all the time and exercise all

[00:01:37]:

the time and whether you're doing it right and what you need to do and what

[00:01:39]:

you need to do more of. And, oh, it's a frustrating life we live when we are stuck in body image issues. So we would love to invite you to join us on the next 40 day journey. Hey. Now let's get to today's episode. Welcome to Compare To You, a podcast to help you make peace with your body so you can savor God's rest and feel his love. Here, you'll find real talk about our body image and food battles, but you'll also find real grace filled hope for the ways we all struggle. You can find great resources like my books, coaching programs, blog posts, and even podcast swag on my website improve body image.com.

[00:02:19]:

And, hey, if this show blesses you, will you consider blessing us with a review or better yet, tell a friend about it. Now let's get to today's show. Okay. So today, we're digging right into this concept. If I could just get my body back, then I'd be happy. If I could just get my old body back, I really liked my old body. And this might apply to you at various stages of life. It might be that you really liked your eating disorder body.

[00:02:47]:

It might be that you liked your premenopause or younger body. It might be that, like, you liked your pre baby body more. And what happens, friends, is we spend a lot of time, maybe even ruminating over pictures or thoughts or memories or clothing items in our closet, and we begin to think if only. If only I could wear that size again. If only I could be that shape I was before. If only I could get that figure back. If only I could see that number on the scale again. If only, if only, if only.

[00:03:26]:

And I hear this a lot. I'll coach women, and they'll be like, I wouldn't have body image issues if I could just have that body that I had 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 30 years ago. And you know what I say to them? I say, in a very polite way, I say the line I call b s. Now, if you're more comfortable, you can make b s stand for baloney sandwich. Okay? But there's a popular card game called b s. It's a bluffing game, and I played it a ton in college. Maybe it was more popular in the nineties. I don't know if people are still playing it now.

[00:04:01]:

I remember they played it in that movie with Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson, how to lose a guy in 10 dates, or 10 days. Is it 10 days or 10 dates? I'm not sure. But they played it in that movie. And the concept is that you are trying to bluff your opponents in the game by you set down a certain number of cards. The idea is to get rid of all the cards in your hand, and you're trying to bluff your opponents into thinking that you have cards that maybe you don't have. And so knowing about the card game is really neither here nor there. But whenever I hear a woman or a client say, oh, if I could just have that body back. Oh, if I could just have that body back.

[00:04:48]:

They almost always call BS. And so today, that's where we're gonna go. If you've said this line, if you said, oh, if only I could have the body out of my twenties, my thirties, my forties, my fifties. If only I could have my pre baby body back. If only I if you said that line, well, I'm calling BS, and I'm gonna ask you to show your cards. Now you might not be bluffing. Okay? But I want to be sure that you know whether or not this is actually true for you or if you're just fooling yourself. Okay? So card number 1, how to tell if this is BS.

[00:05:28]:

Did you have body image issues then? Now here's a reality. You may have had body image issues then that you wouldn't have named body image issues. And it's really difficult for us to remember how we felt 10, 15, 20, 30, even longer years ago. It's also difficult because we are biased to our current feelings. Right? So whatever we feel now feels strong, and anything we felt, you know, in our history doesn't feel as strong. It's just we're too far removed from it. So in order to tell whether or not this is BS, a bluff for you, I have to ask you a more specific question. Okay? So my question is, can you remember any times when you were that size or shape or weight when your body was like you wish it was now? Can you remember any times where you didn't feel good enough? Were there times when you, in that body that you had back then, obsessed, thought a lot about your body, worried about what others thought about your body, maybe even attributed not getting asked out or getting broken up with, or any number of things with your body, or your body size, or your body shape.

[00:07:01]:

Now, again, it's really hard to go back and remember what we were thinking or feeling. So what you need to look for is an actual memory of maybe an action that you took. So here's some for me. I look at my wedding photos, and I am stunned because a memory that I have is getting into the car with my new husband. I had gone on work travel maybe no. It was probably 3 months after we got married. And he was picking me up at the airport, and he was so excited because our wedding pictures had come in. And so we had them in the car with him because he thought I would wanna see them right away.

[00:07:43]:

We had about a 45 minute drive, and I remember looking through those pictures thinking, oh my word, I look so fat. And specifically thinking that my arms looked fat in the pictures. Now friend, at the time, you know, I was in an eating disorder. I was not I was eating cantaloupe and salmon and exercising 2 or 3 times a day before my wedding, and I was a kickboxing instructor. And so my arms were as toned and as thin as they will ever have ever been, and it wasn't enough. I remember my husband kinda getting, not angry, but upset because he was like, I don't understand, like, what in the world you see in this picture, because I don't see that at all. Another thing I remember is I remember wearing shoes with heels and points. I mean, I had some great shoes, not expensive shoes, which probably is was part of the problem, but I had cute shoes that would literally make my feet, like, bleed when I wore them, because I refused to wear flat shoes because I felt like they made my legs look too big.

[00:09:01]:

And so anytime I was going to do anything, even if it required a lot of walking, I would wear these heels and just be crippled by the end of the evening because I had to make sure that my legs looked as thin as possible, and the way to do that was to wear heels. And now I look back and I think, well, that's kind of odd because that's that body that I could convince myself if I had that body today. I'd wear whatever I wanted. I wear what other kind of shoes I wanted. I'd certainly wear comfortable shoes. And, oh, all these women that wear their sneakers with their jeans and they look so cute, like, I could do that if I had that body. But I had that body, and I didn't do that. My point is, friends, I want you to face the truth.

[00:09:48]:

Are you experiencing revisionist history? Have you maybe forgotten that you still had body image issues even in that old size body? What do you remember doing when you were that size? Are there memories like mine that may reveal to you the truth that even in that former size and shape of body, you were coveting something else. You were wishing for, longing for a different size body. Does that reveal to you the truth that even in that body size, you weren't actually as content as you now believe that you were. Okay. Card 2, bluff 2, calling baloney sandwich b s 2. Here it is. Were you dieting or exercising to try to change your body size back then? If so, I call b s. Because friends, if you were happy in that size and shape of body, you would not have been trying to engage in behaviors to change your body through diet and exercise.

[00:11:02]:

So let's just call a spade a spade. The lie is that body size made you happy, but the truth is it didn't. Oh, friend. When I weighed many pounds less than I do now, that's when I was over exercising and and not eating and all the things, trying always to lose just another 5 or £10 just to be better, a little better. And I intended to think, oh, if I had that body now, then I would just be happy with it. I could just say, like, okay. This size is good. I'm okay to stick with this size.

[00:11:41]:

But it just wasn't true. It wasn't enough then, and it would not be enough now. We're gonna get to the final bluffs right after this quick commercial break. Okay, friend. Bluff number 3. Prepare to answer this honestly. I'm gonna ask you to share your cards. When you had that old body size or shape or weight, did you compare yourself to others? Did you think, oh, if only it looked like her.

[00:12:15]:

If only it looked like her. Were you comparing even then? If so, friend, I called the s. That old body size, that old body weight, that old body shape did not protect you from body image issues. And though I know you're tempted to believe today, if you could just get it back, if you just get back there, then you'd feel relief. You'd feel relief from all this frustration and some shame and some stress and all the things. But friend, you've already been there and it didn't work. You've been down that path. You see the truth is, friend, body image issues are not about your body.

[00:12:58]:

And until you can release the grip that this ideal body, this body that I am supposed to have I mean, insert your name here. But for me, it's Heather's supposed to look like this. Heather's supposed to have this kind of body. Heather's supposed to appear like this in photos. This is the way Heather was supposed to look. All of that idealism stuff, friends, that's all idolatry and has such a grip on us. It had a grip on me. And I have a feeling if this is resonating with you, it might have a grip on you too.

[00:13:31]:

And until you can face it as an idol, as a ridiculous golden calf that has a hold on your heart, You cannot be free from body image issues. And one of the lies of the idol is that if you could just go back to that old body, you'd be free. And so the idol puts you on a treadmill, maybe literally, but certainly figuratively, or you keep running and running and chasing and chasing its ideal. And that ideal is supposed to bring you joy and happiness, and dare I even say, salvation. Now I don't mean salvation for heaven, friend. Like, of course, we know. That's a different answer. That's the God and Jesus answer.

[00:14:14]:

Right? But it's a kind of salvation that feels very real here in our culture. It's like if I could just be that size again, I'd be safe. Right? And isn't that kind of what salvation means to be safe, safe in the arms of Jesus. But having that ideal body doesn't put us safe in the arms of Jesus. It just puts us safe, maybe, in the realm of culture's expectations of us, but it actually can't even provide safety or guarantee safety because you can have a culturally correct body size or shape, and you can still experience, and you will still experience hurt, and pain, and suffering, and rejection, and all of those things. Right? So for when you have to identify this idol, you will not get free of body image issues until you see the grip that this idol has on your heart. And that's one thing we dig into in the 40 day body image journey. We dig into it more in coaching, individual coaching, group coaching.

[00:15:19]:

I can help you figure out why that idol has its claws in you and how to rip that thing off and demolish it. You probably can't do it alone. You probably can't get rid of that idol alone. You may need someone to show you the idol and the way the idol is operating in your life. And that's just true for most of us. Right? We'd rather do this by ourselves, but we all need help. We all need someone to show us our blind spots. And so friend, I'm calling bs today because body misissues are not about your body.

[00:15:59]:

And having that old body that you thought you loved then, the truth is you probably didn't love it then. And so you have to be honest with yourself. You weren't any more content in that previous body than you are now. Now I know, okay, some of you might be like, yeah, but I actually was. I enjoyed getting dressed, and I enjoyed going shopping. And maybe, maybe, compared to now, maybe that's true. My friend, I don't know. I remember having a smaller body and, yeah, it was easier.

[00:16:35]:

It was definitely easier to find clothes that fit me and fit me correctly. Right? But I still remember feeling super self conscious. I still remember wearing a small size and finding something that fit just right and wearing it and still wondering if it looked good or if I just looked weird, or if I looked fat, or all those things. Right? And, again, I'm not saying that your feelings aren't valid. I know they're probably really strong. I know it probably maybe even overwhelms you how much you feel like just having that old body would fix it. But, friend, feelings are not facts. Feelings can be the opposite of facts in some cases.

[00:17:20]:

Right? Now your feelings should not be dismissed. They can be helpful. They can tell you to pay attention to certain things. Don't dismiss them. But you don't have to obey them or believe them always either, because sometimes they're just wrong. Sometimes they're being fed by lies, and sometimes we have to speak to our feelings and tell them the truth. And maybe the truth today is I do feel uncomfortable in my body. I don't like the size of my body is now.

[00:17:47]:

I don't like the shape my body is now. But the solution to these feelings of discomfort, I have to recognize is not as simple or as idle driven as getting my old body back. The work I really need to do is on the inside, not on the outside. Because, see, friend, the challenges when you say, I just want my old body back. The interesting fact is that you still have your old body. Like, you're you didn't swap bodies. Like, your body is still your body. It's the same body you had in your twenties and at birth and in your thirties and forties.

[00:18:30]:

Like, there's no alien invasion stuff going on. Like, it's your body. You still have your body. But your body has just been trying to keep up with you. It's been growing and changing and following your dreams and experiencing your stress and going through all your ups and downs. Your body has been there for you through it all. Your body's not your enemy. Your body's not trying to sabotage your life by not cooperating with your health and fitness and physical appearance goals.

[00:19:08]:

In fact, just the opposite. There is no one that works harder to keep you alive than your body. So if your body feels like you're in danger of a coming famine, or maybe even just going on OPTAVIA, it may store some weight. If your body feels your hormonal changes and is worried that maybe your organs aren't gonna be protected because your estrogen is low, it may store some weight to keep you safe. If your body feels unsafe because you're going through big stress or big trauma or just circumstances that feel overwhelming, it may store some weight just to make sure you're okay through it. Contrary to what the Instagram influencers tell you, sometimes gaining weight is a protective thing. It's not always a sign of disease or sickness or something that you need to fix because potty's changed, and no one is more on your side. Again, no one is trying to keep you alive more than your physical body is.

[00:20:18]:

That's its job. The other real problem here is the lies that you're believing. You're believing that you were more worthy, more valuable, more lovable when you were that smaller size. Maybe you're believing that you achieved or even earned others' love by being able to keep that acceptable size or that acceptable shape. For some of us, it's a silent contract with the world that we've made, where we believe we could be worthy of love, acceptance, that we could be adored if we did our part. And our part of that contract to earn the love, acceptance, adoration was staying in the same small size or keeping the stomach flat or or you name it. And you might feel like you broke the contract because your body changed. And then you feel fear.

[00:21:19]:

Because if you broke your side of the contract, then everyone else can break their side of the contract too. They might not love you anymore. They might not respect you anymore. They might not adore you or look at you or give you attention or see you anymore. You feel like you must do everything in your power to get back to that size or shape. Because if you don't, it's a dangerous game you're playing. Because no one has to love you if you didn't do your part. But, friend, that contract is a lie.

[00:21:46]:

It's a lie on so many levels. Hear me, friend. We don't love people, truly love people in a biblical, agape, sacrificial, pure way because of their bodies or their body size. We just don't. Even those couples who fall in love because they think one another is, like, so hot, that feeds so fast. And either real love comes in and takes over or that relationship is done. Don't buy into culture's shallow and biblical version of love that is really mostly objectification. Don't believe that you are unlovable because your body has changed.

[00:22:29]:

Because guess what? You're real. You are a real living, breathing human organism. And what do human organisms do? They change. Okay. So think about the plants in your yard. Wouldn't it be weird if the plants in your yard always looked the same in every season? Like, that would be strange. You expect them to change. Right? You know in the winter, your trees are gonna lose their leaves.

[00:23:04]:

Right? You know that your flowers are gonna bloom in certain seasons and look maybe dead in other seasons. And you'll wonder, will they come back again? And then, oh, yes. There they go. They bloom again. Right? You know that that's the way plants work because they're living organisms, and they change based on the seasons. That's what living things do. So why do we think that we should be more like plastic? Seriously, I wrote a chapter on this in the 40 day body image workbook. In our 40 day journey, we were just talking about this this week.

[00:23:39]:

But we have these expectations of ourselves that are completely aligned more with, like, objects that come off assembly lines, like red solo cups, like plastic. Our expectations of ourselves are aligned more with what a red solo cup should be like than what we should expect from a living human organism. Now think about it. Right? Like, what's our expectation? We need to be smooth. We need to be hard. We need to be sleek. Okay? And that's what a red solo cup is. It's smooth.

[00:24:09]:

It's hard. It's sleek. They all look the same. But real bodies don't all look the same, and they're often bumpy or dry or soft or squishy or marked or scarred or wrinkled. And the only way to not have these signs of life on you is to pay to have them removed. Right? Is to pay to have someone make you look more plastic. No one avoids it naturally. So why would we make this the standard? Hey, friends.

[00:24:42]:

It's normal to have forehead wrinkles. I don't know who needs to hear that today, but it's normal. So why would we make this standard not having forehead wrinkles? Why would we make the standard not having cellulite or stretch marks after you have a baby? Why would this be our standard? Our bodies have been through so much with us. Right? Our bodies tell the story in some cases of all we've been through. But we don't have to hate them. We don't have to despise them. In fact, I think maybe one of the most helpful things we could do is just appreciate them. Show ourselves and our bodies kindness.

[00:25:22]:

Start thinking, what can I do that would be kind to my body? What can I do that would help me and my body be on the same team and help me stop, like, disassociating and dissecting myself from my body because my body and I are 1? What would it be like to stop hating it and stop wishing it was something else and accept it for what it is. It's been my battle buddy for decades. Maybe it's time I treat it like a friend instead of like an enemy. So have I called b s on you today? Even if I haven't, I hope I've given you something to think about. Friend, getting that old body back, it's not gonna solve everything. And if this is open to a can of worms for you, if this has led you to places to think about things that maybe you've never thought about before that feel really hard or you're just not sure what to do next, I hope you'll reach out. Heather at compared you dot me. We can get you in a 40 day journey.

[00:26:21]:

We can get you into coaching. We've got help and support for you. Our team, we've all walked through these issues, and we wanna lead you with biblical grace, compassion, encouragement, and hope to a place where you don't have to obsess anymore, where you can be content. Just to be who you are with the body you have right now, knowing that God made you on purpose for his purpose, and he has a good plan for you. Hey. Thanks for listening today. I hope something today has helped you stop comparing and start living. Bye bye.

[00:26:56]:

The compared to podcast is probably part of the life audio podcast network. For more great Christian podcasts, go to life audio.com.